Here are 16 brand new ways to piss off the Swiss

Look up "Swiss person" in the dictionary and you will find a consensus seeking, peace loving, cheese eating species.

Above all else, the Swiss value their privacy like no other. So, don’t peek into their Schrebergarten. Don't criticize the color scheme of their geranium flowers. And don’t talk to them while they are busy commuting. (They might bark.)

Here comes a cruel thought: Purely hypothetically speaking, how would you poke fun at such nice human beings? We ventured where no one else has ventured before, et voilà: Following are 16 ways to piss off the Swiss...

Say that you've never heard of Roger Federer.

Conclude that there seems to be little difference between a Swiss German and a German. (Or a Romand and a French.)

Criticize that all the Swiss national foods are really unhealthy.

Call a Swiss on the phone at dinner time.

While hiking, listen to music on your Bluetooth speaker.

Talk when everyone else is silent. (Pauses are sacred to the Swiss.)

"You know that Doris Leuthard only got onto the Federal Council because she looks so hot?"

(Photograph copyright World Economic Forum/Wikipedia)
 

"Since Switzerland is in Europe, why isn't it part of the European Union?"

Vacuum your car on a Sunday.

Or be even bolder and beat your carpets on a Sunday.

Complain that the Swiss are unfriendly. (Of course, you know that being reserved doesn't automatically make someone unfriendly...)

Say that the Japanese rail system is so much better than the SBB.

Bring up the money taboo and ask "How much do you make?"

Wait for your turn at the bakery, then act indecisive about what to order.

Pretend to forget that Switzerland has four official languages. (And no, English isn't the fourth one.)

Say "Your English isn't bad. But you better study, because it might soon be Switzerland’s fourth official language..."

 
And if these ideas were not enough, check out 19 ways to piss off the Swiss (the original) or the follow-up, 15 more ways to piss off the Swiss.